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About Varied / Hobbyist Core Member Matt21/Male/United States Recent Activity
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Some Big Thanks, Apologies, and Things to Say.

Journal Entry: Mon Mar 13, 2017, 9:08 PM














Everybody, it's been months since I've drawn anything, I've been a very negative ass of a person, but the past couple of weeks I've learn some major things about myself, being an artist, art itself, and some of the biggest things that has helped me try to get back into the artistic scene I wanted to be a part of, and I've got some important things to say about it

For months of not having the will to draw and constantly feeling bad about it, I've been a hopeless, annoying negative ass to everyone about it. That is something everyone who has come in to contact with knows very full well of. In the past I've even pushed people who wanted to help me away, and I've finally realized that now. As well as that, I've come to a realization that that my biggest problem to being an artist and my art is my own very natural negative attitude, and my unrealistic desire to make great art in a short amount of time at my low skill level with a lack of knowledge. This very stupid notion, mindset, and emotional state at such a low skill level is very unhealthy and self-destructive to not only myself, but it's a major downer to those around me as well, and if pushed to far they'll will straight up leave me and not want to deal with me. There are 2 artists that I've done this to in the past, and they straight up found me dreadful and annoying, and rightfully so. One of them I've have earned the right to be forgiven from in the past, but there is one I've wrong that I still feel dreadful about to this day, and is I thing I wish I can set right after so long.

That artist who helped me so long ago when I was just starting here and I thought was a good friend, was the artist :iconsweetlilharu:
Haru blocked me nearly a year ago due to my horrendous negative attitude and insulting art with my ignorance and impatient nature, and rightfully so as I see clearly now. I know this was almost a year ago, but it's a mistake I've come to regret and can't stop thinking about no matter how much I try not to and move on. Haru, if you receive this, I want you to know I finally see the error of my ways, and I want you to know I'm sorry for everything wrong I've said and done to you in the past, and I want to prove that I want to change, as well as that I can change, and I want to do it right here and right now for everyone here including you. However...If you still don't want to forgive me, give me a second chance, unblock me, or give me any form of redemption whatsoever... I understand. I just know that some of my watchers like you as well, and I just want to be honest with you as well as them that I did something wrong to you way back when, I feel bad about it and still think about it a lot, and that I sincerely and regretfully want to give my apology to you.
I'm sorry.

Now though, despite my negativity, some of you were showing signs of getting fed up with my negative self-loathing and whining, as well as my inactivity in actually trying to be an artist, and you were all right to feel that way, but some of you brutally honestly told me truths I needed to hear and face, and some of you have tried to help a lost cause like me in the nicest ways possible. All of it got me into some very important thinking, it's finally got me into a better state of mind, emotional state, and just overall mood that I need to get into.

I've finally been fired up to try and draw again with all new advice at my disposal and a long reflection of what worked in my mindset before when I first started. Of course I thought about quitting, but thanks to a lot of you, I finally got the kick I needed to kick my f*ckin' negative attitude ass out the door and try to think of new solutions, to keep trying again! Specifically I really need to thank to the artists who spoke the loudest, the longest, and the wisest to me that got me back into doing this again and get me back in the game by any means necessary!


SweetLilHaru, :iconmashmelllo:, :iconminasia:, and :iconmr-spriken:,
Thank you guys a THOUSAND times over for being patient, brutally honest, helpful, for all the suggestions about what I should do and how I should think, and for just straight up being so nice to me despite me being so stuck in being an ass that most people would just give up on me that you guys didn't! I'm truly gifted to have experienced artistic friends n' allies that are not willing to give up on me, be strong enough to put up with my dark shitstorms to get me to see the light, and just love and like me enough to stick with me no matter what! You guys and gals remind me of a song that really reminds me of calming down, staying positive, and that love and kindness is the light that overcomes all negativity like you guys try to do for me:

(That's right I used a song from Happy Feet 2, but given the scene's context of Eric's mother and all the penguins singing to him to calm him down, cheer him up, and even inspire him to stay strong and positive despite their seemingly hopeless situation, I think it's very uplifting, and from the 1st time I saw the scene and heard this song, it's even been working wonders on me changing gears from negative to positive feelings.:))

Everybody, thanks for everything you've done for me: Your love and kindness, your willingness to teach me and give me everything you know to try to help me, putting up with all my problems that I've been wrongfully putting on you all, and of course trying to be my bridges of lights...

I've finally got it now. I see my solution to my problems. I used to draw for a week, and some of the best works are done in a week's time by pros, and you know what? For an aspiring artist of my skill level that try's to make complex and colorful characters, that's pretty fast, and that's good enough. No need to force it to go faster yet. Also for my lack of knowledge, training, and skills, the visuals designs of the characters I make and use for my stories I've done so far is actually not all bad, it's actually kinda good. You nearly 80 watchers seem to think so, and you know what, there's no shame in that, especially for an artist in his 1st year! There's no where else to go but up, right? I'll get better, no matter what, and I'll be as good as everyone else some day! I'm sure of that now! I just gotta keep trying, keep going, and don't let things get me down so much so easily.

Alright, I may be sick right now, but once I start to feel better, I'm gonna start doing what I did before, just draw with what I know and try to make it rewarding instead of a chore! Work on my basics until I get used to them, don't be such a perfectionist, just try to roll with it until I get used to things more, and then learn to improve it on the way. Don't force practice, just try to do it when possible and feel up to it, and just do it for the visual designs of my stories, not for fame or just to be better, do it for the love of the characters and my stories! I'm gonna draw something, and I'll get bet better as I go, I'll slow down my unrealistic expectations, and just draw as my hobby. No good in trying to be famously good now. I've got plenty of time on my life clock, and I'll only shorten it with constant stress and depression, so I'm gonna lighten up, and just do art the way I can do it best. I'm gonna go back to doing it that way, and just do it the right way: My way.


Activity


Right...Well as of yesterday, my Mom returned from the hospital, but I feel asleep before she returned, so I wasn't there to see it or help move her. Still she made it back and she's trying to rest, but even with a walker, the leg is in so much pain, she told me that "she's fighting back tears" it hurts that bad. Thank god I'm not taking care of her alone for now, thanks to her ol' friend and my new friend, Karl. He helps me watch over her in shifts so I can have more time for myself, but of course, I do what I can with my shifts in nursing her so we can both get chances to rest as he does day shifts, as I try to cover nights, but unfortunately it's only for this week since his week off his job will be up soon, after that, I'll be back on my own again except Fridays. With this, I won't have as much time to do art or laze around as much, but I gotta do what I gotta do. It's not a hiatus, but progress will be even slower than it already is.

Also DA's Previous, All, Next, and many of it's various buttons aren't working again. I or we might need a new update to fix it all again.
News has finally arrived that...My Mom has finished the surgery and is now in recovery. She's not out of the woods yet with long road of recover and strengthening her knee before she can fully use it again...but she'll be fine. And.......My tension's gone. -_-

More Stuff About Me




Activate Self-Esteem Stamp by mylastel Choose Compassion by MissLunaRose I Love my Characters (blue) by MissLunaRose

I love when people draw my characters stamp by Reiirin RP cute stamp by himawari-tan Count on me by mylastel

Inspire Stamp by Mel-Rosey Having a Friend Stamp by mylastel Heart Stamp by Mel-Rosey

Make Life Extraordinary Stamp by mylastel Nightowl Stamp by Kezzi-Rose Extraterrestrial Life Stamp by Kezzi-Rose

Love imagination stamp by Mel-Rosey Love by LadyQuintessence Stay Creative by Jedi-Dame

Stamp - I'll always be a... by firstfear Robot Stamp by Kezzi-Rose Im just a little crazy stamp by Pixel-Sam

DA Stamp - Video Games 01 by tppgraphics DA Stamp - I Love Movies 01 by tppgraphics DA Stamp - Nature 01 by tppgraphics

I .heart. Japan Stamp by SakuraStars I love anime stamp by vero-g6-stamps I_love_manga-stamp by kluska-chan

DA Stamp - So Many Ideas... by phantompanther DA Stamp - Emotion And Logic by tppgraphics DA Stamp - Difference 01 by tppgraphics

DA Stamp - Way Too Serious 01 by tppgraphics Hard to be clear-Stamp by Dinoclaws Way too lazy-Stamp by Dinoclaws

Faves Stamp by WetWithRain Edit Stamp by WetWithRain Motivation Stamp by WetWithRain

I draw what I want stamp by izka197 More time... by prosaix Self taught artist - stamp by Eirene86

Superpowers by prosaix I Love Magic by pjuk Dragon Stamp by Ryuu-Atrineas

OC and Canon Friendship stamp by LordPendragonOfCaria OC x Canon stamp by LordPendragonOfCaria I love blue stamp by RhiannonOeuvre

Fan Fiction Writer by Shulky Love too many things by Shantella Too many things -stamp- by Shantella

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:iconsimeyy:
simeyy Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist
thanks for the Favorites Icon 3D Heart 3D Tight Hug 
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:iconsakura-araragi:
Sakura-Araragi Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2017  Student Digital Artist
:iconlovelyhugplz: Thanks so much for the watch! I really appreciate it :heart:
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KingHyperSonicHeart Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
You're very welcome, and your art is quite amazing, so you deserve it. :)
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knilzy95 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the watch!  Dessert Set:  Chocolate Cookie Button 

Consider following on Instagram
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Giganticluv Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2017  Student Writer
Thanks for the faves
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